…..the last journey ……towards death

 

….continued..

 

…..the last journey ……towards death 

As we entered ICU on 12.10.2022, he looked at us and started murmuring it seemed he didn’t like our entry. His murmuring was not clear to us. His mother who was standing beside him was responding to him. She was gently putting her hand on his face, loving, caring. He was trying to push himself close to his mother, towards her chest to hide himself within his mother. He felt secured beside her. I smiled and said “ we have come to meet you”. But in his distorted voice he conveyed... didn’t you see, I am with my mother...I want to be with her. He looked active, responsive. We spent some time with him and came back.

On 13.10.2022, again we went to meet him. We were surprised to see him fitted with pipes, monitors, syringe pumps…he was on ventilator. His eyes were pale. He was trying hard to take the breath, was taking long breaths. He was in critical condition…He was gasping……. his health was deteriorating....

My eyes were in search of somebody ..…yes! his mother, we saw her sitting outside ICU in the waiting area. She was aware of the situations... How difficult it would be for the parents to see one’s child in such critical situation. We had no words to console… we went back to our office.

It was on 14.10.2022, as usual I reached office at around 10.05am. As I went to affix my attendance in the biometric attendance .. I heard few staff saying, "body is being brought down through lift…."Even I stopped and wanted to know which patient had expired.... As the lift grounded, the lift man along with ICU staff took out a body from the lift… the body was headed towards morgue. I enquired the security staff, whose body it was. They said, " The patient named Arun Jain who was admitted in ICU had expired & it was his body they are taking it to morgue." … I was frozen, I was speechless.  memories flashed back, how he used to talk to respond to us...his acknowledgement.  his distorted voice to save him, crying holding his mother begging her to save him....

 With heavy heart I climbed the office stairs…. As I climbed upstairs being a mother myself. could pen down the feeling of a mother…

                                Rest in peace my son…

                              Among all the precious gifts,

                               I had received in life ..

                               you were the special one,

                              I can’t forget those last days...

                              The way you smiled at me,

                              The way you hugged me,

                              The way you cuddled in me,

                               The way you whispered in my ears,

                               The way you tried to laugh…

                               Even though you were in pain,

                               You knew…days were approaching…

                               With my aching heart I say...

                               You were the special gift my son...

                               I will miss you in my every breath I take...

                               I will miss you till my last breath….

                               Rest in peace my child..

                               Rest in peace…

                                                                  ...Mother..

 

Why did he die?   Was he born alcoholic? 

How to protect our children from alcohol addiction?

If there was a surefire way of preventing our son or daughter from alcoholism or drug abuse, then addiction would be less of a problem. We still don’t know all the causes for alcoholism, and addiction. However, what we do understand about addiction is that genetics, environment, stress and other factors can all contribute to alcoholism later in life. Knowing this will help us to be better prepared for helping prevent our child becoming an alcoholic.

Just because one  have an increased risk for addiction doesn’t mean that one is necessarily destined to become an alcoholic. There are certain aspects of addiction, such as genetics, that are impossible to change. However, there are other aspects, such as environment, that can be controlled.

What Causes Alcoholism?

Alcoholism is also referred to as alcohol use disorder, alcohol dependency and alcohol addiction. Addiction is a complex, chronic mental illness. One that does not have a specific cause nor a set recipe for prevention.

Genetics account for about 50% of the risk factors for alcoholism. However, this does not mean that 50% of the people with a genetic predisposition will become alcoholics. Statistics only show a slight difference between expectation and reality.

In fact, if you are aware of this statistic, it can actually help. If you know that you have a family history of substance abuse, you will be more likely to monitor your drinking. Therefore, warning your child about this risk can influence them to make better choices. It may even help prevent your child from becoming an alcoholic.

Creating an Environment for Alcoholism

Environment accounts also accounts for alcoholism risk factors. And unlike genetics, it can be controlled. For example, children who grow up in a household with alcoholics are more likely to become alcoholics themselves. However, it is not simply the presence of alcohol itself that is responsible for this outcome. It is also the neglectful or abusive environment that alcoholics tend to create for the child. If you are an alcoholic, you should know that one of the biggest ways you can prevent your child from becoming an alcoholic is to get help for your own addiction.

You should also remember that environment is more than just the household. It includes school, friends, social media exposure and many other things. Part of parenting is teaching your son or daughter to not only survive but thrive in this environment. You should teach them about addiction in the hope that your children will learn to make their own appropriate decisions.

Being a Role Model: Abstinence vs. Responsible Drinking

It was mentioned before that children who grow up around alcoholics are more likely to drink themselves. However, in a similar situation, some children grow up and never drink. There is a constant debate whether exposing your children to alcohol at a young age is a good thing or not. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer for this, and both parenting styles can work successfully.

Tips to Help Prevent Your Child from Becoming an Alcoholic

Instead of focusing on preventing alcoholism, it is better to emphasise the consequences of drinking and/or teaching your child to be aware of alcohol from a young age. Addiction and alcoholism are not diseases for which there is a vaccine. The best you can do is lessen the risk factors involved.

1.       Set Rules but Don’t Focus on Scare Tactics

Scare tactics and punishments don’t necessarily work for two reasons. One, your child may not want to listen to you, or they’ll find it taboo and therefore exciting. Instead of scaring them with all the dangers of drinking, you should explain the potential consequences of underage drinking.

For example, they may wish to go to university. You should warn them that drinking before you are an adult can create memory and learning problems. Abusing alcohol can contribute to lower grades and ruin their chance of getting into a good school. Again, you should not use this as a way to frighten them, but as a learning experience.

Secondly, if you do use scare tactics, your children may not see you as someone they can trust. When they do run into problems, they may not to come forward to tell you. If your son or daughter is afraid of getting in trouble, they will hesitate to call you in certain situations even if they are in a dangerous situation.

Having said that, it is a good idea to establish a set of rules and appropriate discipline procedure. For this, it is best to adopt an authoritative parenting style, which implements a healthy balance of discipline and support. Believe it or not, even teenagers are likely to follow parental guidelines about 80% of the time.

2.       Be a Good Role Model

You can choose to model a sober lifestyle for you children if you live an alcohol-free life. And of course, if you have a history of alcoholism yourself, then it is best not to drink. In doing so, you can show them that it is possible to be happy and satisfied without alcohol in your life.

If you regularly consume alcohol, it is best to choose to educate your kids about responsible drinking. Hiding your drinking habits while lecturing your children about abstinence will not yield good results. Ultimately, your son or daughter will feel like they are being lied to. This might cause them to think that lying is acceptable or develop trust issues. If you really want to help prevent your child from becoming an alcoholic, you will need to be a good role model even when it’s embarrassing or uncomfortable.

3.       Teach Them to Fight Off Peer Pressure

Peer pressure and exposure to drugs and alcohol from social media are a major influencing factor in whether a person chooses to engage in substance use. By building their self-esteem and teaching them to fend off peer pressure, you can help your child to be less influenced by external forces.

It is quite possible that your child will have a friend that participates in unhealthy habits. In that case, you may think it is a good idea to tell your child who they can and can’t be friends with. However, if you try to stop them from being friends, it will likely not work. It will just mean that they continue to hang out, outside of your supervision. Instead, continue to provide good parenting and trust that your child will make the right choices.

4.       Grow Your Children’s Self-Esteem

The better that the self-esteem of your child is, the more likely you will be able to prevent them from becoming an alcoholic. Self-esteem has been shown to be an important factor in a child’s development. Here are some simple things you can do to prosper their self-esteem:

·       Listen to and respect them

·       Show love, support, and compassion, even when you’re unhappy with their behaviour. Remember, you were once a kid that did stupid things too!

·       Allow them to make mistakes so they can learn from them

·       Praise them when they make a strong effort or work hard, even if their final product is not successful or perfect

Remember that children with low self esteem or social anxiety tend to mix with others with similar problems because it makes them feel better about themselves. This can lead to unhealthy group activities such as underage drinking or smoking.

5.       Be Present and Involved

Poor environment and neglect create a setting for future substance abuse. This is why it is important to be involved in your son or daughter’s life. For example, know who their friends are or what they do after school. Focus on creating a relationship where your children will open up to you instead of you prying into their lives.

In addition to setting rules, it is good to establish a routine and maintain a stable life at home. Children of parents who drink in excess but live in a stable household are not as likely to develop alcohol problem. This means that the family has regular meals, spends quality time involving the kids, and does not neglect important dates like holidays.

6.       Educate Your Children

Alcohol are drugs are a topic that will eventually have to be discussed as your child grows older. Although they may be taught about substance abuse in school, it helps to hear it from someone they trust.

What if my son or daughter is already drinking?

Just because someone drinks or engages in substance use does not make them an alcoholic or addicted. Not to mention, everyone can make a mistake. While discipline and consequences are important, do not make your son or daughter regret coming to you in the first place.

If they do develop an addiction, understand that it is not your fault. Neither alcoholism nor addiction is your son’s or daughter’s fault either.

Any type of addiction is best addressed at the beginning. If you suspect that your child is becoming an alcoholic, it is best to get treatment for them right away. A residential rehab provides the perfect setting and is more intensive, with professional therapists, medical supervision, and a stabilising daily routine.

Sometimes, kind words of advice to a struggling teenager from a respected family member or friend can make a huge difference. Patients during treatment sometimes say “I wish that somebody had taken the trouble to explain to me how dangerous alcohol can be”.

Let’s make this world addiction free..